The 90s Club
The 90s Club
Finally after years I am UHU again! Okay, most of you probably don’t know what UHU means, so let me explain. UHU – shot for under a hundred, is a term for people that are losing weight and are under a hundred kilograms. Yes, I was ashamed of even thinking about that number for a very long time and in many of our first outfit posts simply tried to hide my body. But thanks to my involvement in the body positivity movement, influence from amazing women like Ashley Graham and of course #fuckthesize as well, I managed to come clean with my body. And everybody that has fought the same fight as me, knows something, each and every one of us should know too: most heavy overweight people aren’t simply overweight because they love to eat. Often you find them suffering from depression, a low self-esteem, abuse or a hundred different reasons.
Obesity is an illness, one that you carry around to show everybody everyday.
Help that I needed as well for a long time – especially since I approached the topic of losing weight from a completely wrong angle. I started to gain really a lot of weight only after I finished school and was confronted with a lack of orientation and really felt lost in the world. But even before that I already had like a few kilos more than was usual, which wasn’t really much, but still a lot to give kids my age the chance to pick on me. Which led to me running to food as sort of a comfort and lately hoping from one diet to the next, all of them driving by the self-hate of my body, that I thought I could only get rid of by trying to fit in. Which would finally make me worthy of being loved and accepted.That’s one reason why I get super mad when I, at the age of 25, have to deal with a work colleague, that I’ve been working with for over a year already (and doesn’t fit in the beauty “standard” of 90-60-90 either) and that has been calling me “fatso” or “whale” behind my back. And yes I have to admit that still hurt me and took a lot of my energy this summer. But let’s be honest, even that woman probably wouldn’t find anything to say or do to hurt me, that I haven’t done to myself over the course of years. Cause obesity is an illness, one that you carry around to show everybody everyday and sadly enough makes you an easy target for people like her. Why people feel to treat others this way, I honestly don’t know, cause all I see in people that fight with extreme obesity, is that they need help.
Let’s skip a few years, cause in most of them, sometimes louder sometimes a bit more quiet, I had always the same voice accompanying me. Until I discovered the body positivity movement. Love the body you’re in – okay, okay nothing new there, but not so easy to live. But suddenly someone out there said that you shouldn’t only accept yourself, no you should love every little bump on your body – cause you’re still hot, beautiful, sexy and everything else you aspire to be – Ashley Graham. And for the first time in my life I finally got the message, even though I had much more than the weight that would be healthy for me. But that was good for me, without this new found self-esteem I would have never worked so much on the relationship with my body and would have noticed that body positivity doesn’t have to mean “Yes I’m fat and that’s hot and to hell with those that mind”. NO! A positive mind-set towards your body includes giving it the things he needs and not harming it in any ways by overeating. Which meant a healthier diet and more exercise. But more about that another time, let’s go back to the watch I’m wearing. I think I bought this watch about five years ago, promising myself I would only start to wear it when I’m in control of my life and body again. And I know I’m still in the middle of my way, but loosing almost 30 kilos and finally being under a hundred sounds like a pretty damn good start for me!